My mother is going to a church who’s pastor keeps up on politics. He feels the need to tell his congregation all about the hot topics in politics. Mom was talking about gay marriage as it is a national news sensation at this point. She mentioned Sodom and Gomorrah and pastor’s sermon. I love my Mom, but she’s a hopeless follower, so while she was talking about the issue I didn’t for a second think that she actually searched things out. I took this time to ask her a basic question. What was the sin of Sodom? Well, she said, it was homosexual relations. And so I said, “The sin of the sister Sodom was pride, gluttony, laziness and not taking care of the needy.” My Mom just said that she didn’t really know, because that’s not what pastor went over. Of course not, I wouldn’t expect that pastor would go over something that doesn’t conform to his political agenda. Whatever it takes to propagandize. I’m not missing church at all.
Ezekial 16:49 “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.”
Christians do not call others ugly, hateful names; they don't hatefully mock and judge people in an attempt to stir up trouble and hurt other people's feelings. Nowhere in the bible do Christians call those who are not saved ugly names like "dimwit, pervert," etc.
About my drive today. Three hours first one wide
Awake. Know I’m
Alive. Too much for comfort
But the second hour
Bawling, not for a second reign it in. Not hiding
Behind anything, not for a second. And all
Cried out and Papa Roach
Cemented my mind, I’m going to
Cut myself out of the hole that I’ve
Dug myself into. The trench so
Deep I can’t see out. There’s no climbing , clawing. Cutting
Down a deep new path. It’s so much
Easier keeping the pain on the outside. Keeps the
Effort at a minimum. Less to deal with. Last 3rd of the drive and numb.
Emotions gone. Not another tear to shed. It’s back to
Fundamentals. Simplicity at it’s
Finest. Now, I know I’m
Still giving it a day or two to settle in.
But I bet it will settle in, and stay the same.
I’ll save myself from my vice,
After I save myself from this.
One bad decision at a time.
One addiction at a time.
Did you ever have one of those moments when you are pissed at someone for practically nothing, but sticking to it when you get some bad news. I mean the ER or hospital kind of bad news. The kind of news that reminds you that life is far too short to squander it being pissed. I had that moment today. Apparently, I needed a double dose. I was angry talking with someone, and he had to go to the ER and so cut the conversation short. Within minutes, my mom sent me a message on facebook that my Dad is in hospital. The strange thing is they both have the same pain, and both are currently waiting to figure out what it is. I’ve packed. I’m ready to jet off. But I haven’t told my husband. I just didn’t think I needed to bother him until I knew if it was anything. In the meantime I told my friend, with whom I was angry, and he talked me through it a little bit. As soon as, I thanked him I went upstairs and lost it. How can I waste so much time being angry? In those moments, everything seems so clear. It’s in perfect focus and it all gets really simple. And why don’t I just tell him that together or apart, I love him and all I want is to be a part of his life. I just don’t want to waste another second not talking. Does this count as opening up? I don’t want to waste another second not saying what I really want to say.
What the hell else could ‘give them a good punch’ mean Pastor?
Okay maybe I’m way behind this train, but I just watched the video of Pastor Sean Harris talking about giving your gay kids a good punch and his supposed “I’m reformed” speech on CNN and Young Turks. This is the problem I have with the fundamentalist’s speech. Regardless of which area the fundamentalist leans toward, even atheists have fundies, their speech is often quite violent in nature and they don’t seem to get it. What? Punch is not a violent insinuation, when I said ‘hit their wrist’ I meant: ‘straighten it.’ But here’s the thing about leading, you have to say what you mean. You are in charge of the people you are leading and anyone who took what he said literally and went home and hit or punched a gay or effeminate seeming boy or a ‘too butch’ girl, will be his responsibility. He has taken a leadership role and so, like the husband, the responsibility for the lead’s actions partially falls on him.
This is the problem I seem to run into more often than not, and so when I ask questions the fundies back track. It’s my in-laws, it’s my parents. I love you, but seriously? Do you really even hear yourself people? Why are we using this hate rhetoric and where pray tell does this come from the Bible? Seriously, I invite the fundies to win me over, but remember I was one; I’ve heard it all.
As a sidenote, this pastor is from a Berean church. I have had many words with one blogger who is constantly shoving this church’s doctrine down my throat. Now I see what the church is like, I get it. I really get it, and no thanks again to the many doctrinal statements on the Berean website. I think I’ll stick to the red letters.
Psalms 127: 4-5a Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them…
This was part of the pastor at my parents church’s message today. He kept it short, and he kept it on the family. It was AWANA Sunday. The day when all the kids who attend AWANA come to receive their awards for the year’s work. Pastor’s always want to take advantage of the fact that by giving a message on the family. I admit I needed to hear it, but that’s another post. In his message he brought up an analogy, one I don’t care for because of the implications. I know it’s a little heretical to to say considering that it’s Biblical, but I don’t like to think of children as weapons. Why in the world would I be happy to turn my children into flying, killing projectiles? Can someone explain why this violent imagery is necessary? Is my aversion to it wrong on a biblical level? I mean, do I have to like every biblical metaphor like this to be a good Christian? If so, I guess I’m not a good Christian, because I certainly don’t want to think of my kids as little trained killers in my craftsman’s hands. I don’t want to raise them like that, as if their purpose is to do battle. Is that wrong? And if so, will I change it?
When I read around on these blogs in the classifications of God, religion, Christianity etc. I realize that most love a sunny ending. Most people like movies that have a happy ending, so why shouldn’t people who read blogs that end the same way? People don’t like to be disappointed. But that’s not reality, that’s not life. Not every story has a happy ending. I was reading a blog where a lady said that there is nothing we can do to get away from Jesus. It’s a story I’ve heard over and over. Someone who spent a long time running from Jesus turns around one day and sees the truth. But what about the stories of those who ask and ask and ask and hear nothing? What about those who find themselves on the other side of the door trying to get in? I hear so often that those people weren’t saved. I hear that they have blockages in form of sin in their lives. But here’s my heretical question: What about what God owes us? There are many branches of this faith that say that God owes us nothing at all, not even a chance for salvation. To me, that seems ridiculous. God made us. God made us knowing that we would sin and then pass from this life into eternal damnation (should it exist). In doing that, God still did it. God could have not made the damned ones. God could have decided to save everyone (like some believe0. God could have done anything to keep us from this inevitable position we are wedged in. So, if I’m not struck down (but maybe I hope to be) before I publish this, I ask: what does God owe his poor, miserable creation? Doesn’t God even have to answer when we beg God for a little help? And if God is good, how can God resist?
I finished praying about this opportunity that I have today.
At 4:00pm, I have an interview for a teaching job in Korea. So, I was praying about it while I was driving over to my client’s house. I left my phone there today and the interview that I have is a phone interview. When I pulled up, one of her garage doors was opening and the other was closing and she was leaving. I ran up and she went in and grabbed my phone. Her only comment was “I knew there was a reason I forgot my keys and was running late. God is on your side.” Hmm. I thought when I got back in my car. Is that an answer to my asking whether I should pursue this opportunity or not? Or could it be that I want it to mean something when really it’s just happenstance?
Pastor’s sermon was talking about family. Family and all the things that can tear it apart. I was sitting there looking up at him and barely breathing waiting to see the reason that mine feels so shaky, and he hit it on the head. I’ve been seeing all these things that have been speaking up to me. They’ve been telling me that I’m foolish. Happy or Holy, which so I want my marriage to be? Selfish or selfless? Running the race as if there’s a finish or running because running is all I can do? And as I’m sitting there, I realize I am being selfish. I want to travel. I want to do something great. I want to go and be and write and see. I want to really live while I can. But that’s what I want. All my goals and dreams and hopes and wishes, they’re all selfish. I have to give them up. They aren’t going to happen. I have chosen this life and it’s time for me to show it. It’s time for me to grow the hell up. He’s what they’ll need. My children will need him and I will too. He may not be the fulfillment of my dreams and I may give them all up, but in the end that’s what is right. Isn’t it? It’s what is due. He will always support me, and treat me well. He will be a wonderful father. He is everything on my list of courting requirements and that should be enough. And that will be enough as soon as I can shake myself out of my dream world. We are staying here. We will always live close to our families. He will be in job until he retires because it’s a good job. We’ll save our pennies and maybe eventually get to travel when our kids (should we have them) are grown. I don’t need to be what I dreamt I’d be. I have to let it go. I have to let me go. And whatever the cost, I’ll control my thoughts.
So, I got an email from the Large’s. They won 11.2 million dollars and they have decided to give me two million. After reading this wonderful news, I did what I always do when people try to send me money I don’t deserve; I went to report it on a scam website. Here, I took some time to peruse other people’s stories about this particularly clever scam. The first response I read in whole was posted by a woman, I’m guessing single, who seems to have a thing for cats. Yes, I’m that judgmental sometimes. And in her response she states: they “are African scammers.” There’s no evidence to back it up. The email server is not referencing ‘Africans-are-us.’ There is no flag in the email. Hell, it doesn’t even have a message, just a title. And yet, the scammers, like the killer bees before them, must be African. I found it particularly ridiculous because the server that mine came from was ‘centurylink.’ Not very African sounding if you ask me. More puzzling is that many people reference ‘qq.com’ as the offending server. QQ.com is very popular by the youth in China and around the world actually. I know this because all the kids we visited in Shanghai University begged us to get that, instead of making them get facebook. So, why are some hell-bent on attaching things that are out to get us to being African? Is that supposed to be scarier? Because all I thought was: Jeez, some people are so freakin’ ignorant.