Well we went up to my hometown this weekend to sort through the stuff with my great grandparents because they are not able to return home. My parents, husband, and I spent the morning going to the bank and sorting through their papers and trying to find a way to pay for a nursing home or find a different assited living home or a fulltime nurse for them at home. My mother hasn’t slept in five days without taking too much sleeping medication and she has been taking care of everything because she is power of attorney.
So after all this we gathered up some of their clothes and their favorite candy and went to see them. They were sleeping when we got there, but just as we were about to leave and let them sleep my gram woke up. Now, let me preface this by saying that my great grandmother has never been what any one would consider loving. For example, I showed up to visit her when I was twelve I had hairties on my wrists and an anklet on both ankles. As soon as I walked in, she skipped hello and said, “You look like hell! No really you like hell.” This was about every other tim I saw her that she didn’t say hi or hug me, but picked something that she hated on me and talked about it for the whole visit.
Today she was in fine form. When my mom asked if they had any visitors today, she said “I don’t know and I wouldn’t tell you if I did.” She then proceeded to say all of the awful things that my mother was doing and how she didn’t care about any one but herself. She threatened us with God. She threatened us with neighbors and she ended every threat with a long rant about how awful my mom is. After probably five times of saying how despicable my mom was, I lost it a bit and laid out the reality. I told her that mom didn’t ask to be power of attorney, and that the other two backed out. I told her that we were trying our best to find a better home for her, and it would be really nice if my mom got anything other than name calling for everything that she was doing. I told her that if she kept talking about my mom negatively, I would be leaving. She then turned on me and began to scream at me. Why didn’t I call her or come see her, and someday I would pay. She ended it by saying that she didn’t love me and I should just go. So I told her I loved her and pap, but I also love my Mom and I would not stay to here her speak like that about her.
I know this transition sucks for them, but blaming the only person who is willing to put up with being called every bad thing in the book for trying to take of them, is just making her want to give up. Pap was very sweet and he told Mom that he trusted her completely and he knew she was doing the right things. Even though we all reassured her and told her it wasn’t true, she still came home and took more than enough medicine and walked around stoned for a couple hours.
It chips away. Hearing your family say those things chips away at you.