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So tired of being Christian here…

I’m weary today.

Usually, I have a fire under my butt to call out people who profess Christ and push people away from Him with hate speech and uncaring graceless “truth.” But I’m tired today. I have taken Christ’s example of turning tables in the church and a penchant to hang out with the least, to mean that I should do the same. That I should stand up against the people who are really turning others away from God: the corruption within the church, within Christianity itself. That i should stand up for all life. That I should defend all people. And I’m growing tired. I’m tired of people telling me over and over that Christ is the only way that we can get saved and if I really loved people that’s all I would say and do on here. Is that all that Christ Himself did? Walk around saying I’m God, Believe in me or die! Not that He didn’t mention it, but is that all He did?

I don’t get it. If people say that every Muslim is a violent and murderous person and I ask if that’s how Christ would deal with it, suddenly my Christianity is at stake. If I apologize to someone for those innocent lives lost in our war on terror, I’m told I’m being sympathetic to terrorists. I don’t understand how we can wrap Christ in the American flag until we can no longer even make out His shape and still call ourselves Christians.

I’m tired of the generalizing. The billion Muslims are reduced to a single murderous entity in nearly every post from a Christian I read. If I contest the generalization they throw some Qur’an on me, so I throw some Bible back. They are both violent books at times after all. Then suddenly I’m atrocious, because I’m using the Bible to defend “murderous lunatics.” Yeah, because calling people that is Christ like. Why do most people who care to comment on the wars assume that everyone who died in the wars was 1. guilty and 2. Muslim. After all, every person working in that tylenol factory was definitely a terrorist. Please.

The truth is, while it makes me angry, it makes me even more sad. I’m not on here to defend Muslims and tell the world that they are right. I don’t sympathize with terrorists. I simply want Christians to be willing to show Christ’s love to everyone, and to speak in a manner that reflects who Christ was to sinners. I’m sitting here mentally exhausted, and crying because I don’t believe in Christianity anymore. I love Christ. I believe He is the only reason that we can achieve Heaven or be saved. I just am not a Christian anymore. These people who tell me over and over that they are Christians, and ooze hate masquerading as Truth in the name of Christ, and I have nothing in common.

Tonight, I’m worn down.

I don’t feel like it.

I don’t feel like it.

I don’t feel like trying to convince someone that love for is not always sympathy for. I’m tired of telling people I am a Christian only to have them question that fact over and over because I show compassion to Muslims or people of other nationalities. Or the poor in this country. Or those who need medical care but can’t afford it. I’m so tired. I just need to find a community, you know. A spiritual home. A few people who believe in Jesus like I do. A few people to tell me I’m not crazy. I mean even the really crazy crazies weren’t alone right?

I’m looking I’m telling you. I’m standing at the door and I’ll break the damn thing down if no one answers.

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12 thoughts on “So tired of being Christian here…

  1. I hear you. I’m sort of there too. I love Jesus with all my heart and I believe he is the way but I don’t see much love or freedom in religious circles. It;s like he’s being left out of it and everything is revolving around his name but not around Him. I was to some discernment blogs and had my head torn off. I was devastated. I still am. anyway, your blog is a breath of fresh air. I have the same questions. I’m trying to be loyal to the jesus in the bible but then find myself feeling compassionate toward good, sweet kind people who don’t believe Jesus is the way and I wonder if God really would condemn his children to hell forever and ever because Christianity turned them off because of legalism etc. but there is the other camp too who use his name in terms that sound Christian but it’s not the Jesus from the bible and it feels wrong. I’m in a real state of feeling down about it and lonely about it and weary to my bones. So I tell us both to hang in there.

  2. Oh, the lonely life of a prophet in the making.
    Perhaps the problem is not Christianity; perhaps it is churchianity. Far too few know the difference.
    The religious establishment didn`t care much for Jesus`politics of compassion either.
    One thing I think I know about God: If you think you know
    about God, you don`t.

    • Yes, I’ve had to separate them in my mind, but for me Christianity has been fused with churchianity and thus while it stays that way, I’m done. trying to bring it up only pulls me down.

  3. I love reminding people that Christ died for ALL of us. It is very frustrating to hear fellow believers used hate-filled “jokes” about political candidates, US President, other groups of people, etc. Thankfully the church I have been attending for about 12 years now in a nondenominational church whose motto is “Loving People, Loving Jesus”. Our pastor is exceptionally compassionate about people. He’ll pick up homeless people and take them where they need to go. He’ll invite random strangers to lunch and offer support. He challenges us all to live out our faith in Christ by LOVING people. I feel very blessed by this. Thanks for posting this very important topic!

  4. I’m finding your blog refreshing from the ‘usual’ talks about Christianity. Guess this is the age old question of how acceptable is God really? Every pastor on the pulpit will have a certain interpretation of God. Some preach grace, some preach more ‘condemnation’ and usually what you get is a ‘pastorology’ then just plain Christianity where the sermon you hear and the culture of a church is a ‘mixture’ of the personal beliefs of the pastor and some theology. Where Christianity is a communication event, the medium; the pastor, the people becomes the message so I would guess the message and tolerance is usually represented by the guy at the top.

    • “the people become the message” That is a brilliant way of phrasing that! Yes, The people become the message and I think that message, especially in America, sucks right now. I drag my feet to implicate God for allowing it though. I like to emphasize personal responsibility instead.

  5. I think it’s good that you posted this–daring, but good. I especially liked the line about wrapping Christ in the American flag until you can’t see him anymore. Very well-worded. And it sounds like you’ve got the most important thing down. You’re tired of Christianity, but you love Jesus. Well, that’s what makes a person a real Christian anyway, right? If Jesus says X and the Christians say Y, then you’ll say X, too. That’s the point, anyway. Good post, very real. You want to stand out from the fakes? Be real.

  6. Hang in there SS, there’s more of “us” than you know. The tide is turning, even if ever so slowly yet. If the church isn’t much like Jesus, then who are we going to follow? He has the words of life, and unfortunately, often the church doesn’t. Best wishes.

  7. Dear SS, wallowing in your related posts WordPress helpfully adds under our blogs is fun. These posts from a while ago are great. I am currently in a period where God Soft Hands Jesus is pointing out “the”. When church became “the church”. When faith became “the faith”. All that objectifying, tick listing stuff that tests our “the only way is this way” stuff.
    So thank you for allowing me your “back catalogue” – it is good reading (and thinking) 🙂

    • Hey, it’s been awhile! I love that they add the related posts. They seem to do a very good job of it.
      It is interesting that distancing and definition that separates the spectrum of belief. We can tolerate no difference it arms and thus must cling to our own kind and the ‘the’ that makes us feel superior.
      Hm, now you’ve intrigued me. I might fish through your back catalogue a while. 😉

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