I’m weary today.
Usually, I have a fire under my butt to call out people who profess Christ and push people away from Him with hate speech and uncaring graceless “truth.” But I’m tired today. I have taken Christ’s example of turning tables in the church and a penchant to hang out with the least, to mean that I should do the same. That I should stand up against the people who are really turning others away from God: the corruption within the church, within Christianity itself. That i should stand up for all life. That I should defend all people. And I’m growing tired. I’m tired of people telling me over and over that Christ is the only way that we can get saved and if I really loved people that’s all I would say and do on here. Is that all that Christ Himself did? Walk around saying I’m God, Believe in me or die! Not that He didn’t mention it, but is that all He did?
I don’t get it. If people say that every Muslim is a violent and murderous person and I ask if that’s how Christ would deal with it, suddenly my Christianity is at stake. If I apologize to someone for those innocent lives lost in our war on terror, I’m told I’m being sympathetic to terrorists. I don’t understand how we can wrap Christ in the American flag until we can no longer even make out His shape and still call ourselves Christians.
I’m tired of the generalizing. The billion Muslims are reduced to a single murderous entity in nearly every post from a Christian I read. If I contest the generalization they throw some Qur’an on me, so I throw some Bible back. They are both violent books at times after all. Then suddenly I’m atrocious, because I’m using the Bible to defend “murderous lunatics.” Yeah, because calling people that is Christ like. Why do most people who care to comment on the wars assume that everyone who died in the wars was 1. guilty and 2. Muslim. After all, every person working in that tylenol factory was definitely a terrorist. Please.
The truth is, while it makes me angry, it makes me even more sad. I’m not on here to defend Muslims and tell the world that they are right. I don’t sympathize with terrorists. I simply want Christians to be willing to show Christ’s love to everyone, and to speak in a manner that reflects who Christ was to sinners. I’m sitting here mentally exhausted, and crying because I don’t believe in Christianity anymore. I love Christ. I believe He is the only reason that we can achieve Heaven or be saved. I just am not a Christian anymore. These people who tell me over and over that they are Christians, and ooze hate masquerading as Truth in the name of Christ, and I have nothing in common.
Tonight, I’m worn down.
I don’t feel like it.
I don’t feel like it.
I don’t feel like trying to convince someone that love for is not always sympathy for. I’m tired of telling people I am a Christian only to have them question that fact over and over because I show compassion to Muslims or people of other nationalities. Or the poor in this country. Or those who need medical care but can’t afford it. I’m so tired. I just need to find a community, you know. A spiritual home. A few people who believe in Jesus like I do. A few people to tell me I’m not crazy. I mean even the really crazy crazies weren’t alone right?
I’m looking I’m telling you. I’m standing at the door and I’ll break the damn thing down if no one answers.