Ethics / Faith / Life

I’m a first world hypocrite.

Did you ever have one of those days where you just feel like you’re wasting you life? That you’re doing nothing of consequence. I mean we shuffle to work, and we shuffle home. We watch some tv and eat a little dinner. We don’t like to think about the starving children. If we happen to, we send them a check.

I used to have big dreams when I was young. I wanted to start my own orphanage. I wanted to join the peace corps. Instead I’m still here. I’m still in central pa, and I haven’t done much of worth since I was a teenager. Yeah, I’m helping kids here, but their problems are that they are disrespectful, disruptive, or destructive. They have clean water to drink. They have food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to live. Somedays, it seems so insignificant to me. If these kids knew what other kids go through, they would adjust their attitudes real quick.

I was planning what i would use the money that I saved up for Black Friday on and now it seems ridiculous. So what if my curtains look like sheets? Who cares is my coat if faded? The truth is I hate living here because I’m so far out of touch with real life around the world. Americans can sit in their ivory towers and think their problems, their money is theirs. They can think that Christ would be satisfied with 10% and think that their votes are most important.

Today I feel useless. I’m not helping anyone from here. I feel like I was supposed to do more than the daily grind, but I’ve got bills to pay. I’m trapped now. I’m trapped with meaningless problems, getting more selfish by the day. Today, I wish I could change it. I swear I’ll really try.

7 thoughts on “I’m a first world hypocrite.

  1. I have often felt the same, though perhaps not so strongly. I think some of us are called to do “heroic” things, but many of us are now caught up in life, and have to be realistic. You want to do more, so that is the most important thing. And you are undoubtedly doing good helping kids.

    But you want to do more, and that is good too. My suggestion is to start small and try to build gradually rather than worry about what we’re not doing.

    And there ARE things we can all do – like recycle a little more, consume a little less, use public transport or walk a little more, change to a slightly simpler diet, give up some luxury to donate the money to a good cause, find some like-minded people and join together to encourage each other and work together in some way, etc. So perhaps choose just one or two, and start with them. Then build as you are able.

    The journey of a thousand miles starts with a few steps!

    I hope you can feel better about all this, and be at peace in yourself. Best wishes.


  2. Oh I have so been there, and even still am in some ways. To see your life as it really is takes strength, more than many have. I must agree with Unklee above, find a step, an action to take today, then another tomorrow.


  3. Girl, this could be a page out of my own journal!!!

    I too, wanted to open an orphange. I too, wanted to do Peace Corps! I can so relate. I have often wondered if everyone feels destined for “greatness?” I have met enough people who feel similarly that I think it is just IN us to want to change the world for the better. Seasons of life can be discouraging. I have found comfort in knowing that I can raise two world-changers right now and even if I never do the great things that are in my heart, I can inspire them to do the great things God put into them. 🙂 Nothing is wasted.

    I really like you and I can see that God has gifted you with a great ability to express and to be genuine. You are a treasure!

    – S


    • I think about the children I will raise too, and how I can help them to have the same desires. It’s always great to meet a kindred. You were a real blessing to me today with this comment. Thanks for leaving it!


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