When my ex told me that he hadn’t moved on from me and still loved me, I thought that he hid that from his wife. Then when he told me that she knows everything even the fact that she’ll never be the one to him, I got so angry. I can’t imagine a deeper hell than spending your life with someone who you know doesn’t love you as much as someone else, but has consented to do right by you. I yelled at him for it. But was I wrong?
I mean they seem to have it worked out very well. She seems happy and when I talk with her, she seems well settled in her life. Their relationship seems strong. He’s told me that she knows all his dreams and desires. It seems healthy. He encouraged me to have the same relationship with my husband, but I declined to take advice from him concerning my marriage. That’s what my husband and I agreed upon when I began talking with Mike; that I would not share our problems and that I would not take marital advice from him. But now I can’t help but wonder, is a marriage only truly strong if both parties are 100% honest?
The truth is, in my marriage, I’ve only been as honest as I think we can stand. I vowed a long time ago that I would not plays games or otherwise put our relationship at stake for my own peace of mind. So, is it wrong of me to keep to myself the fact that I still and always will love Mike though I’ll never act on it? Can’t I just bear the pain alone and give Gabe a fantastic marriage and happiness untainted by something he needs not know? Or does my marriage suck because I bury that part of me? If he asks, I would not lie. Am I lying still?
I wonder what she wants… Does she wish he’d never told her? Is she hurt like I imagine? Is she looking for a way out like I would be? Is she glad that she knows? I wish I could ask her. Maybe I’ll grow some balls and do it. Maybe not.