But Pastor can.
Pastor who they pushed out without his pension. Who they accused of being mentally unstable. Whose marriage cracked and fell apart once they turned him out. he can forgive them and return to that very same church. How can serve again there?
It was almost ten years ago that I left that church hurt and angry for him and for my father. To this day, I haven’t forgiven Christianity or them. They are still getting in the way of my faith. And as I think about it, I wonder if I’m incapable of forgiveness. Incapable of forgiving them, the Bible, Christianity, myself. And my ex told me to give it up. That faith is not possible when you gain knowledge, but I can’t I told him. It’s as much a part of me as he is. Connected to the core of who I am because they helped me build who I am. So, I can’t give my faith up. But I worry that I’ll never feel at home in it again. He told me I never will, and maybe he’s right. Maybe I should accept the fact that Christianity may never feel like home again though I love it and though it tears me apart. And that’s another thing they’ve always had in common. Their own building blocks are the only thing that can really crumble a person after all.
I feel like I should go to the church and visit him. Ask him how he came to terms with all the things they said. Ask if perhaps he’s there because he feels like I do, that the only way to get to his faith back was to take it by force from them. Ask if he’s over it.
It’s strange what a mentor can really mean to you, and what they take from your life when lost.
And it’s puzzling that I could blame a faith for their failures
Full back story at I am a C. I am a Ch. I am a Church Hater.