He said I’ll never understand him. And he’s right. I just don’t get him. Ever, at all. I know how he likes his things laid out, and what he likes and doesn’t like to eat. I remember ow to put the toilet paper on so he doesn’t have to flip it. But I can’t, try as I might, ever seem to understand a damn thing he says or means. I ask questions and he doesn’t understand what I want to know. He explains and it annoys me. I feel like he is shallow. He think I’m obscure, and we work so hard to make it better and we get nowhere. We’ve cried about it together. Because we feel so helpless. We desperately want to know each other, to get each other, to be magic; but we can’t. How do you just get someone? You just do.
My friend from college, whom I lived with for a while, was up last week. We started to talk about commuting. She mentioned rhythm and I then took it to spirituality. And we each just got it. He laughed. Spiritual? Doesn’t make any sense unless you get it, I know. I don’t know if we could explain it to someone who just doesn’t get it. And every time that happens. Every time someone gets me, I feel a little empty because he doesn’t. I think it opens us up to weakness. I never saw us as weak before. I never doubted us, until I found people who get me again. When I was hanging out with a bunch of shallow friends, it wasn’t a problem. When nobody gets you, you forget what it’s like and just deal with it. But when I started getting in touch with some people who innately get me, it got harder and harder to communicate with him. And the other day when we were having another serious talk and he ended with: “Just give up. You’ll never understand me;” I realized that I probably never will. Now can I deal with it. And what about him. I know what it’s like to have someone get me; but he never has. I want that for him. I really want him to have magic.