Blogging / Faith / Life / Love / Thoughts

The heart of the Heart of it.

In my hands
It’s all in my hands
He’s in my hands
He’s not safe there
But he’d be safe there
If I knew it.
If I knew that he’d be safe there
Then he’d be safe there.

But how to teach myself
How to make me know it?
How to learn that if I learned that,
That he is safe there,
He’d be safe there?
And more than learning
How to practice?
How to put to action
How to make me act on the knowing
On the understanding,
On the certainty
That he is safe there?

I know it
It’s in my hands
But seeing isn’t always
Seeing.
And knowing isn’t always
Knowing.
How to teach myself to live in Capitals?
How to teach myself to take Control?
How to realize that I can win?
And when I realize I can win,
Who wins with me?
Does he win with me,
Or does he lose with me,
Or could it be
It very well might be
That he wins without me
Or even there’s a possibility
That he loses without me.
Which will it be?

But back to me.
Me.
How to make me understand?
How to make me get it?
How to convince oneself,
Specifically myself
That this is true enough to act on it?

We haven’t even touched on truth.
Truth. With a capital T.
Do I even have it?
Could I recognize it?
If I had it
And I believed it
And I acted on it
Would I even feel peace
Would it feel right
Or would it feel like a lie
I mean, if someone else lost it?
Would their pain take away my peace?
And if so, does peace really exist?
Another questions for another day
Can’t solve them all anyway.

Right now, it’s me.
It’s in my hands
I just have to recognize it
I just have to act on it.

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