I thought I had the power over this. I thought that it would all just go away. But everything did. Every hope and dream. Every wish and goal. But even more than that. Every emotion and inclination. He says I’m faking it all, and the love has gone. He’s telling me to go to a psychologist and see if I need meds to bring back what I feel when I’m awake in this life. But it’s all gone. He told me that I can’t try hard enough. And that he remembers what a mess I was when we got together. I insisted that I just need time to readjust to being this version of myself, but it’s not enough. He’s never had to watch my dead eyes every day for months, and I can’t figure out how to get back there. I keep saying I’m fine, I’ll be fine, but that just doesn’t seem to be enough for him. As for me, I don’t feel anything right now. There ‘s no concern in me for where we’re going. I don’t feel sad, or angry or happy or jealous. I don’t feel a thing. The trying to is exhausting. When your smile isn’t sincere, keeping the corners up feels like a job. But I’m trying. I’m trying to accept this and to do what everyone needs. I don’t feel like I need anything anymore. This is my life. I am not free anymore. My dreams are not what guides my life. I need to just fall into the role that I have chosen. I need to work until I come alive in this reality, and if I don’t I’ll not feel a thing.