Addiction / Family / Life / Parenting / Rant / Thoughts

My Mom, the Addict Version.

She’s turning in circles and talking constantly about something we can’t understand. She’s constantly apologizing. She’s saying the same things over and over. She’s talking to herself continuously. She’s slurring her speech. She’s taking everything the wrong way. She’s whining. She’s nagging. She’s insecure and unbelievably annoying.

I’m growing a human being.
Soon I’m going to have a child of my own.
I don’t want to treat my mother like a child.
After a long discussion on the fact that she only takes pills to get high, a lot of tears on her part, and an easy agreement that I would hold her pills for her to dole them out as needed; she still argued with me like a child not to take them. She whined and  pulled them away from me and held on to them when I got hold of them and all but stamped her foot. I don’t really want to deal with this right now. I can’t keep track of her from three hours away. I can’t stand the whining and the constant self-deprecation, constant rapid switching between complete laziness and constant chatter and restlessness. I can’t stand the idea that she’ll show up to my birth high or that she wants to stay with me when I get close to giving birth. And I can’t imagine leaving my child alone with her unless she’s been stably sober on her own. What if baby falls or chokes and needs to be driven to the hospital? What if she drops baby?

I love her.
I really love her, but I can’t be her mother right now.
I need her to take some responsibility.
I need my Dad to help her.
And I need to focus on making a healthy baby.

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4 thoughts on “My Mom, the Addict Version.

  1. You are entering a world everyone hears about and thinks they know. The truth is no one really knows until they have to live in the crazy world of addiction. I have been involved with addiction through my wife, children and friends for over 30 years. Al-Anon or Nar-Anon are great resources to get your feet back on solid ground. They are not for everyone but everyone can get started there. You seem very in touch with your needs and talking to others in the community will help your co-dependency ( guilt, need to fix) if it rears it’s subtle but powerful head. I feel your pain and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. 😦
    I can only partially relate to your situation so I can only imagine how hard it is for you. It sucks. I feel like I need to explode sometimes because I’m never able to fall apart like my family does. They’re too busy falling apart and leaning on me to be strong. You need someone to be strong for you sometimes and let you be taken care of for once.

    😦

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