First love / Thoughts

Challenge: A Letter

It’s interestingly hollow to find out that you’ve been right all along.
There is elation and little sad regret that you’d ever doubted yourself.
Mostly though, there’s a twinge that the puzzle is over.
But at the same time you realize, there never was a puzzle at all, was there?
Just a length of time when you succeeded in lying to yourself, or in being deceived.

I can’t believe how good I am.
I felt this was a set-up for attention.
A childish way of knowing who you’re manipulating by creating a scenario in which I’m in a corner.
And you succeed.
But I am getting better at managing you.
I know how to circumvent the drama and suck the life out of your win.
It amazes me how transparent you seem this time.
And how quickly I catch on.
And now that the puzzle’s gone I’m left with the truth.
That I was right.
That you only do because you’re told you can’t.
That you only ask because you know you’ll be told no.
That you only find fascinating what evades you.
And that that is not the sum of love.
Or of care.
Or even consideration.
It is the sum of selfishness.

But then again, there was a glimmer.
A tiny reassuring light that shows me maybe you’ve just begun
To open your eyes
To think of someone besides yourself
To feel the burden I have carried these eight years.
And let me tell you, it’s about time.

I feel really settled today.
Though the truth was unsettling in itself
Having it spoken was quite,
For lack of a better word,
Nice.

It always feels good to drop the charade.

“Nobody knows just how it goes
To show that the villain will play the victim
The tame can’t shake the reigns of
Demonizing brains that mean to kill them
And men who fight the world
And love the girls that try to hold their hands behind them
They won’t be left behind
By time or any rules that try to bind them”
Weep Themselves to Sleep by Jack White

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