Carrying my son, I walk into the Catholic church in the sexist dress that I own. Buttons all the way down the front, the slit after them opening about three inches above the knee. It’s well fitted and I feel like the secretary in a porno when I wear it with thigh highs. However, I am covered from my shoulders to my knees, with the exception of the slit, which I have pinned closed. I approach the lady showing people where to go and ask her politely if I may go to the nursery to nurse my son. She seems confused, and leads me to a bathroom. A bathroom? Since when is eating in a bathroom acceptable? I have to sit on a toilet to nurse my son? It doesn’t even have a lid. After thanking her, I find the band room and nurse my son in there. It’s like heels or flats. The heels look damn good but they don’t function all that well. As women, we don’t always have the choice between sex and sensibility. Sometimes it’s both.
Jon Stewart hit the nail on the head concerning Caitlyn Jenner. When Caitlyn was Bruce, we could talk about his sports prowess, his business, his speaking career. Now that Bruce is Caitlyn, we can talk about what she’s wearing and how she looks. As women, our bodies are what’s up for debate. I’ve never noticed more than now that I am a mother. While I was pregnant, every aspect of my body was up for discussion. As soon as my little miracle vacated the womb, I was supposed to be a mother. When I nursed him without a cover, people avoid eye contact with me. They can ask about my stretch marks, but can’t see them. Did I suddenly become much sexier that everything I do screams SEX?
It’s true. I feel sexier than I ever have in my life. I feel like myself. I want to wear sexy clothes. I want to be sexy. And yes, I want to have sex. But that does not make me a sex object. Caitlyn, I imagine, feels much the same way. Our gender is not all we have. We are not the summation of our sexual organs. Our souls need to be fed. We feed them by being true to ourselves. Not everything about being woman is sex. Not everything about breasts is sex. Not everything about vaginas is sex. I give life to my child and feed him.
The necessary parts of being woman are multifaceted.
And we have a right to be each and every one of those things, or none.
And we have the right to do as we please with our bodies.
And we have the right to love how we want with our bodies.
To be sexy when we want
To have sex when we want
To give life when we want
To please when we want, who we want.
We do not have an expiration date.
We are beautiful stretch marks and all.
I’m feeding my baby. She is feeding her soul.
You don’t have to look away,
But you don’t have to stare either.