When I became a Mom I thought I was the one who would see the whole world differently. I thought I’d start wearing Bermuda shorts and care whether or not my jewelry matched my outfit. I thought a baby would make my whole world shift into perspective, that what should matter would matter and what shouldn’t simply wouldn’t. It’s just not the case. I am who I’ve always been. I want what I’ve always wanted. I wear what I’ve always worn. I still don’t like jewelry. And I still want my husband to find me sexy.
During my pregnancy in talking with one of my friends who has two kids, she said that she wanted to have sex, but it just wasn’t a priority. I kind of figured that it would be the same for me. Sex has never really been that important in my marriage. My husband and I were super affectionate with each other. We were always in each other’s arms. Most of the time, we made people pretty uncomfortable, but sex was just a bonus to that. It’s very different now. Rather than me changing everything I am postpartum, my husband has. He doesn’t get a ton of time with him during the week, so understandably, he wants to spend every second he can with him as soon as he gets home from work. He has more to do in general, and sometimes hugging me, hearing what I am saying to him, or seeing what I am wearing fall off the radar.
Men do not multi-task well. My husband is no exception to that. After spending all day with my son, I usually need to talk to an adult at the end of the day. Having just gotten home from dealing with adults all day, my husband doesn’t focus well on my voice. I end up repeating things because he didn’t hear me, or realizing that he ignored me completely as if I wasn’t there. Same goes for everything. Wear a sexy dress, ignores me. Send him a sexy picture in the morning, get a grocery list back in the late afternoon. Am I really that one dimensional in his mind?
Try as I might to make it better, I am not having any success. When I talk to him about it, it gets a little better for a second. When I praise him for each affectionate gesture, he thinks he’s reached solvency. I asked him if that was enough for him and to think back to what we were like before I was the mother of his child. He thought a very long time and said that he thought he understood. Sometimes being a say at home mom is boring, not because my son and house aren’t a ton of work, because the they are; but because you’re not being challenged. Sometimes if you’re treated like a vending, laundry, grocery machine by the ones you love for long enough, you become a robot. I won’t settle for that.