Blogging / Life

Reset Button

With you, I am the princess from the princess and the pea. One little thing is wrong, and I don’t know what it is. You’ve put it there to disturb me or left it there on purpose. You’ve got a tiny pea of information that I just can’t find. I lie awake on my comfortable bed tossing and turning growing more and more weary unable to stand even such a minuscule issue.
That sweater that itches, but doesn’t feel itchy.
The tag that you just can’t find.
Peach fuzz, fiberglass insulation, oat chaff.
Just as those other things drive you to look foolish- tearing at your clothes, wearing long sleeves in the blazing heat, refusal to touch something that looks so soft, so does the pea drive me mad. I search all the wrong places for the problem. The mystery scratching at the back of my mind making it impossible to think. Questions begin floating to the top of my mind, questions that I have been avoiding. Questions that become the trash on the ocean of my thoughts blocking sunlight to warm the water. I begin to grow cold. f65abb41a3914a5cc5fcb0d9e55bd951
All the sudden, you walk into my room and snatch the pea from underneath the bed. You explain the situation as minimally as allowed and I feel rested. But here’s the problem, I’m not rested. The truth is that I haven’t slept and it’s your fault. All the pomp and prestige I receive for being so sensitive as to detect the pea is just a distraction from the seriousness of what the pea represents: distrust, fear. It becomes increasingly clear to me that if you are, were, will be lying to someone it is, was, and will be me. But it doesn’t matter, never matters. You know what I want more than anything. The princess wanted the fame and attention. She didn’t mind being tested and doubted, if it meant that someday she would be queen. You know that I don’t mind it, if I get to feel as though I’ve figured it out. A smile, a compliment, your flattery is the reset button. The elation I feel from solving the puzzle is all I need to let go of everything else… for now.
I’ll work on the rest, run my own tests.
I’m not a helpless, hopeless princess.
My story doesn’t begin and end in their mess.
I’ll live on.

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