Thoughts

Whatever it is, I can clean it up later.

Being a mom isn’t always awesome. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes I’m dangling from a very thin rope and the only thing I can use to keep from slipping off is a bit of quiet. To get this, my oldest needs to be out of sight. You know all the videos and pictures of kids covered in something and the angry comments underneath all judgy and saying things like “who was watching them?” “how could they do that?” “Where are the parents?” “My kids never do that” “I’ve had my kids surgically sewn to my side so these things never happen and I sleep better, have great sex, clear skin and shower daily”. Alright that one is a slight exaggeration, but you’ve all seen the comments it really is ever so slight an exaggeration. Today I’m on the verge of tears. I’m sick, my kids are sick. My 3 month old’s nose made a whistling sound when she breathed while I was trying to sleep while breastfeeding her in my son’s room while he was sleeping. It’s 11am and it’s been a freaking long day. The second I can put my still breastfeeding daughter down, I’m going to cover my house in bleach and change all the sheets and take my vitamins and give vitamins because we can’t be sick any longer! This is a reality of motherhood. Some days are shit. Some days you’re dancing through through the tulips happy and you’re kids are brilliant and polite and beautiful. Other days they are peeing in their toys and covering their whole body in Vaseline and then wiping the excess blobs all over the carpet and walls. Yeah, that was yesterday. I just need a few minutes of quiet to recharge so I can be the mom I need to be. To get that, I have to tell myself that whatever the mess he’s making is, I can clean it up later. If it Vaseline in carpet, scoop it up and use rubbing alcohol then soap and water after. If it’s broken, it’s broken. It’s probably replaceable. If it isn’t, it’s just stuff. My sanity and my child’s spirit broken because I am losing my patience are not so easily repaired. I feel a little better already. Oh God, it’s quiet. Deep breath…. whatever it is I can clean it up later.

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