On loving a mirror

My endeavor in this blog has always been to ask hard questions of myself, life, God, others. In that, I have tried my very best to be truthful. There have been times in the past when I was being truthful, but it didn’t feel like it. Some people bring that out of me more than … Continue reading →

Un-woke

There are times I wish I could un-know things, knowing things is such a burden. There are times I wish I could un-see things, like someone’s humanity, seeing souls is such a heavy thing. There is self righteousness in that I know- that need to correct, to feel that I need to (and can) enlighten. … Continue reading →

“Except when they don’t, because sometimes they won’t.”

Yesterday was my son’s first birthday party. I was surprised how emotional I was about the day and the party, how sensitive I was. My mother tends to be on the bossy side when we’re around people. She kept telling me to leave my son alone and let him do things on his own. When … Continue reading →

What I’m for

This blog has become a place to blow of steam. I tend to write an awful lot more when I am in some kind of emotional upheaval. Again and again, I find myself writing about the negatives and the criticisms. Well, that’s getting a little depressing and I have a ton to be thankful for … Continue reading →

My New Bundle of Joy

Our sweet baby boy was born at home on Sept 22nd at 2:23am after nearly 15 hours of labor. Everyone is happy and well. We were able to continue with the birth as planned, at home and totally natural. Things were a little worrisome right toward the end, but Baby and I got the job … Continue reading →

Challenge: A Letter

It’s interestingly hollow to find out that you’ve been right all along. There is elation and little sad regret that you’d ever doubted yourself. Mostly though, there’s a twinge that the puzzle is over. But at the same time you realize, there never was a puzzle at all, was there? Just a length of time … Continue reading →

Letters

Letters. About my drive today. Three hours first one wide Awake. Know I’m Alive. Too much for comfort But the second hour Bawling, not for a second reign it in. Not hiding Behind anything, not for a second. And all Cried out and Papa Roach Cemented my mind, I’m going to Cut myself out of … Continue reading →

Out of Anger

Did you ever have one of those moments when you are pissed at someone for practically nothing, but sticking to it when you get some bad news. I mean the ER or hospital kind of bad news. The kind of news that reminds you that life is far too short to squander it being pissed. … Continue reading →

It’s time for my Self to Die

Pastor’s sermon was talking about family. Family and all the things that can tear it apart. I was sitting there looking up at him and barely breathing waiting to see the reason that mine feels so shaky, and he hit it on the head. I’ve been seeing all these things that have been speaking up … Continue reading →

“It’s not you; it’s me.” When you mean it.

You’re amazing You’re my light You are everything I’m not You humble me And by humble I really mean it. You’re perfection and I see it everyday. And I work so hard to keep up with you, but I am so exhausted. I am exhausted from trying to be perfect in everything I’m not. I … Continue reading →