Okay, I know I’m going to catch a lot of flack for saying it, but it’s honest. God just doesn’t come through for me. I was over at my in-laws house today listening again to their stories of how the Lord has blessed them. They needed a house and mysteriously some tenants broke their lease to move out right when they got to town. They needed a house and told the realtor that the right house would have their name on it, and when they went into the house they live in now had their initials carved into the patio.
I don’t have stories like that. I have prayed for things for years to no avail. The things I pray for aren’t material things. The things I’m thinking of are burdens in my mind. I want to be free of things I deal with, but pray as I might the Lord is not taking them away. But I don’t hold this against God. The truth is that I don’t think my concerns really deserve to be heard. I mean, who am I to think that when the Jews cried out in the Holocaust for God to save them God didn’t listen to them, but must listen to me when I ask for peace of mind. Wouldn’t that make my ego incredibly huge? Then again, Gideon tested God and God came through for him, so maybe I do have a right to ask. Unless it’s only if you are going into battle… because I’m not really doing that.
Regardless, I ask and ask and ask. I’m just still waiting to find. Maybe it’s all on me whether I find or not.
Sacred Struggler 
Tough issue, SS. For what it’s worth, you have my sympathy. My experience is much like yours – I don’t see many obvious answers to prayer, but I do see God’s hand of blessing in many lass startling ways, and overall my life is incredibly blessed.
I can’t help feeling comparing ourselves with others isn’t helpful, because we trust God to deal with each of us individually. But of course that isn’t an answer to the questions you are asking. I hope you can get to a good answer on this.
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Indeed I feel my life is blessed too. I just wish sometimes I could pray for help with things and really know that it is coming because it has come before.
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This pisses me off. Not your post, that was great. But the fact that you have defend your post for being honest. What kind of artists are some of these people? Where are the iconoclasts? When I first got on here I wrote a piece about artistic unity and I got a lot of followers. But then I wrote a piece on the gnostic gospels and a lot dropped off. You’d think I was writing about satanism. Don’t apologize for honest art. Just keep nailing it to the wall. We’re out there. We’ll come. And you are absolutely right, it is preposterous to think God is so involved with the trivial and to not pray for the material. Especially when Jesus spoke so many times so adamantly about the poor and the preoccupation with money and possessions. I don’t know what book some people are reading. I do believe in God and love, but my belief has grown up with me over the years.
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Thanks. I need the encouragement. My faith has grown with my too. Sometimes it didn’t fit but then I figured out how to stretch it. I hope yours continues to stretch for you too. Cheers to honesty!
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I struggled with this for a long time, too, for all the years I was wandering. But the more I grow, the more I realize how much he is always there, giving me what I need, withholding what I don’t need, leading me by longing to strive for the things I need to strive for, bringing me through hurt and hardship and suffering that ultimately leads me to grow as a person, to love and understand others, to seek him and rely on him all the more. He has a plan for this world and this universe and all people, and I’m just one tiny little cog — and yet he is there for me. He has a plan for me, too. I don’t understand it. But I pray every day that I can live according to his purpose. I pray that you can find some peace, too — to catch a glimpse of him moving in your life, working in the wings.
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Thank you. It’s good to know I’m not alone. And thank you for your prayer.
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I really liked your post! I actually gave a talk about this very issue today. I struggled with depression for multiple years and still do and prayers weren’t answered during that time. I have a ton of question about why my prayers aren’t answered. After all my 93 graduate hours of theology and ten years of processing and reading this is the conclusion I have come to.
There are a lot of things in Christianity that are Gray. What I mean is that there are things that are not clear, like why God answers some people’s prayers and not others. All I know is I don’t know enough to even pray the right things so I am not sure why he isn’t helping you with your internal struggle, but I do know one thing.
I know that God made a way in Christ for you to feel free to engage whatever issue you are facing without guilt or fear. If it is depression like mine was or stage for cancer like I face now. Christianity doesn’t answer all my why’s but it gives me the grace to walk into the whys with great bravado and courage because I know that it is part of the path to becoming the man that I want and one day will be. I have learned that path is easy for only a small number of people and I don’t understand that either.
I want you to know that you should feel every emotion and engage every question that you have. I don’t know what they are but God is big enough for you to unload on him no matter what it is! After a long drought, God has really shown up for me lately. I don’t know why he has because I don’t deserve it, but I can tell you for sure he loves you and is there with you, I just have no idea what the hell he is doing half the time. I guess that is why he is God and I’m not.
I love talking about the questions! I love people who are authentic! So please feel free to write me any time and keep up the great pursuit because it makes my heart feel good that I am not the only one chasing a really confusing God! – Andrew
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You are absolutely right! Ask in faith that God is big enough. God is great enough to hear. Every struggle in my life has been a blessing in the end. You know through the things I’ve written on here, God has helped me by giving me a community of people who are confused and questioning and still so faithful like you, and that has been a huge blessing to my faith. It has saved and renewed it. Maybe those people for whom it’s easy, couldn’t handle the struggles. God only gives us what we can bear. Thank you for being a blessing to me! I look forward to talking with more.
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I appreciate honesty. It seems to me that you are being real and true to yourself. Sometimes there are just no answers and times when spirituality is not sensible. The unknown and uncertain is always questionable but questions have no value if not presented in full honesty and truth.
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I hope to always keep my questions valuable then in all honesty and truth. And true. Sometimes there are not answers just satisfaction in being allowed to ask.
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Maybe the best way to be free of the things that burden your mind is to stop praying for them? Perpetually praying about these things is sometimes our way of holding on to things without meaning to do so. Maybe God will take them away if you are actively letting them go. Instead of praying about them when they pop into your mind train yourself to think about something else (easier said than done of course at first).
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I shall try it. I succeeded in doing this in the past, however it has crept up again.
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